You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
