I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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