i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
