Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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