you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
