Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
