the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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