I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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