I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
