grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
