this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
