shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize