If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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