I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I supernannyed him into submission
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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