i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
