I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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