Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
