My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
