It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
