her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
