I can tuck mytits in my pants
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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