At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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