I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
