LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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