i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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