now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
