There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
