I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize