Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
