Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
