i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
