I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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