Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
