the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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