Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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