yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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