we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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