woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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