my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
