Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
