when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize