id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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