38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
