That's intense
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
