i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
