I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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