It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
