I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
