I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
