i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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