just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
